Filling your gathering cup
Filling Your Gathering Cup
I’m on the road again, and have been asking audiences to reflect on a single question: “Over the last two to three years, what is a gathering – either virtual or in person – where you felt fully alive? A gathering where maybe you thought, ‘This is exactly where I want to be. This is exactly what I want to be doing. And this is who I want to be doing it with.’”
I then have them turn to a stranger and discuss what it was about that gathering that worked so well. And we hear great gathering examples: Taking the time to attend a friend’s reunion and sitting around a campfire “sharing what’s working in their lives, and also what’s not, and both being OK.” Throwing a retirement party for parents to “celebrate all of the accomplishments of their lives and the people who helped along the way.” Organizing a “vacation just for my cousins, no parents, aunts, or uncles allowed.” (At that one, the crowd started laughing and then clapping.)
These moments of aliveness have something in common: they fill our cups. “I felt seen and understood.” “I laughed so hard my face hurt.” “It unlocked creativity.” “It motivated me to do the hard thing I’ve been avoiding.” But these gatherings don’t just fall out of the sky. They are created by an actual person who felt a need.
But these gatherings don’t just fall out of the sky. They are created by an actual person who felt a need.
Gathering with intention and care is a life-affirming practice. Whether navigating life changes, feeling the heaviness of the world, or breaking free from an uninspired rut, making time for community is vital. Connection is fuel. It’s a release. It helps us keep moving forward. And it can transform our energy.
Let’s dive into three gatherings where the host said: this is worth our time, right now, with these fantastic people. And, as a result, filled their guests’ and their own cups.
Acknowledge your village
A woman I know received an invitation to her god daughter’s 1st birthday. “Brunch & Twilight Marathon: Dress mad cozy & bring your fave blanket or hoodie.” She was confused. And then started laughing. The party was a thank you to the close friends who had been actively present to her daughter. On a Sunday at noon, six friends showed up in their pajamas. Angie and her husband ordered egg sandwiches from their favorite local diner and they used the occasion to do something they all loved but never let themselves do – binge watch Twilight in the daylight.
After the first movie ended, Angie stood and said, “Thank you all for coming over and just hanging out with us. You are such strong women and people, and I’m so glad she’s surrounded by you all – her madrinas and her LBGTías – guiding her. She’s going to be the coolest and most confident bad ass little woman, and it’s because of the people in this room.” A spontaneous “cheers!” erupted, and they raised their coffee mugs and water bottles – the one-year-old carefully waddling over to each guest with her sippy cup ready.
My friend felt loved and filled and acknowledged. It was also a small reminder that — in a world of infinite choices — she was making good ones about how she was spending her time.
Try new experiences together
A woman I know decided that for her birthday this year, she’d host a pickleball tournament. There was only one problem: she’d never played pickleball. Why not use her birthday to try something new and fun and different? She invited 12 friends, and her partner took it one step further: he created brackets and team names based on the combination of the guests’ names. He printed out the brackets on a poster paper and stuck it to the court wall.
At the beginning of the game, he “unveiled the teams!” People started high fiving, smack talking, and then one of the guests, with a twinkle in her eye called out: “New rule: Every team needs a team chant. And you can’t start a game without doing the chant!” (She was being a great guest by building energy for the gathering.) She then demoed, and pretty soon the friends were creating hilarious, silly, smart chants that they’d do before each game. For the final championships, the two teams had to face off one another and do their chant, with everyone else hooting and hollering.
That week, too, had been a tough week in the world. On the way out, one guest looked at another and said, “Wow, I had no idea how badly I needed exactly that.”
Share your passions
Four friends realized that they each had been wanting to read more. They decided to host a reading party (which is different from a book club). The idea was simple: Folks come with a book, commit to reading for an hour (in silence) and then they share with another person one thing from their reading. They hosted their first one in May, and the parties (now known as Reading Rhythms) have spread to multiple cities. (Um… sign me up?)
Guests get to engage with strangers about their passions and interests, learn about new topics they might otherwise have brushed over, and do something they’re always meaning to do but somehow just never fully get around to.
Again, not rocket science. But a small, collective delight.
A different kind of New Year reflection
Now, I invite you to pause and think about this in your own life for a different kind of New Year reflection. (It’s still technically January!)
First, what are some recent gatherings that made you feel alive?
Next, do a little pulse check.
What is your need for the year ahead and what do you crave more of?
Do you want to laugh more with your people?
Do you want to have more conversations with depth?
Do you want to have your time with others be more physically active and fun (and not always eating around a table)?
Are there specific ways you love to spend time with others but never let yourself?
Finally, write these down. Turn to these whenever you are planning or attending your next event. Ask yourself, does this gathering fill our cup?
As Always,
Priya
ICYMI
I recently sat down with Fast Company to chat about my top meeting strategies to transform your leadership. (Cheat sheet: focus on the first 5% rule.) You can read the full interview here.
Inspirations
The Weirdest Advice From Vintage Entertaining Guide
Dinner parties have been around for a while. In this hilarious piece, reporter Amy McCarthy shares some of the most questionable hosting advice from 1880-1987 including: “Your tea service should be as complicated as possible.” And, “Your napkins need to be folded in a way that suggests you hold a degree in structural engineering.” Read the full list here.
YearCompass
One of my most favorite traditions to close each year, and start the new year afresh is filling out the YearCompass booklet. I absolutely love taking the time to pause and reflect on the year, learning from my mistakes and celebrating my wins, while also planning for the year ahead. Check it out here. (I also don’t think it’s too late to still do.) ;)
Hosting Capacity as a Measure of Agency
Gathering nerds beware. Richard D. Bartlett, a community organizer, recently created a map to help people locate their own agency around hosting and building communities. Bartlett’s the first to say it’s a rough draft, and I’m here for it. (Thanks to Baratunde Thurston for sharing it with me.)
