The Power of a Good Rule
5 Things I've Learned About Artful Rules from Digital Communities
It's been a stormy time for digital communities. We've watched as Elon Musk redrew Twitter’s online landscape and changed (destroyed?) a digital world. Right now, a different digital community — Reddit — is experiencing a similar crisis, in which the leadership is changing the rules and breaking its social contract with long-time users (and feeling the wrath).
A digital community, like a gathering, is a temporary alternative universe created (and bound) by a set of agreed-upon rules. And it’s often only when those rules are changed do we start to see them, value them, and recognize how much work they were doing to create an experience we valued. As gatherers, knowing when and how to design and use the right set of rules to create an intentional group experience is a cornerstone of an artful practice.
So, what are the qualities of an artful rule?
1) An artful rule protects what's precious.
We Are Childfree is a global online community for people who are childfree “by choice, circumstance or just curious, to learn and connect with one another.” A rule of theirs caught my eye: We are “not a dating site.” We Are Childfree was not intended to be a place to find a partner, but could easily turn into one, since wanting or not wanting children is a value that’s pretty central to coupling. The organizers believed that if the space morphed into a dating site, the dynamics would affect what and how people post, and whether or not they feel safe doing so. With no shade to dating sites, the organizers drew a line to help protect what this space was for.
2) An artful rule draws helpful (and sometimes controversial) distinctions.
In 2019, Ravelry, an 8 million-person online community for knitters and crocheters, prohibited posts in support of Donald Trump or white supremacy. “We cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy,” the admins wrote. “We are definitely not banning conservative politics. Hate groups and intolerance are different from other types of political positions.” The organizers took some heat for this distinction, but the rule is still in place today. They banned content they believed would threaten the fabric of their community.
3) Artful rules are shared at the threshold, before anyone enters.
In the early days of COVID, a home project went viral: people recreating famous works of art during lockdown. (Think: a man posing like The Thinker, a kid wearing a bowler hat and holding a green apple, or doctors in Paris staging The Last Supper.) The images were remarkably consistent and high-quality. How could something so well-curated go so viral? It turns out that the trend sprouted from a Russian Facebook group called Izoizolyacia. I was curious how this group achieved such consistency in its results, so I requested to join it. Before I could receive access, I had to agree to a set of rules: All pictures you post must be your own work. Be nice. Follow Facebook’s rules, which means no genitalia or women’s nipples (even if they appear in the original artwork). If you want to recreate a piece of art that contains these, be creative. And one of my favorite rules: “don't moan about admins enforcing one, two and three.” This group created the world before anyone entered it (rather than retroactively policing behavior). And if I wanted to be part of the fun, I needed to sign on.
4) An artful rule thinks three steps ahead of the guest.
You (like me) may be a huge fan of Succession. Before the final season finale, the r/SuccessionTV Reddit group read like a digital memorial: “I just want to say I will miss you all,” one person wrote. “Before the finale tomorrow, and before the memes and discussion, I just wanted to say a quick thank you to this amazing community for all the good times over the last few years,” another posted.
The organizers had clearly created a fun, interesting, and valuable exchange for a lot of people. Not surprisingly, they too had a savvy set of practical and empathetic rules. To create a shared space for people to enjoy without requiring everyone to be at the same place in the series: “no major spoilers in the titles of posts.” To prevent discussions from becoming repetitive, the admins committed to “remove duplicate discussions if a similar submission has been made in the last several days or is somewhere near the top of the subreddit.” Also: no reposts. They found simple ways to separate the signal from the noise.
5) An artful rule is culture-creating.
Rules aren’t just created to prevent bad behavior. They help us seed and shape the cultures we actually want. To read through the rules of the r/weddingplanning subreddit is to receive a small, helpful education. The organizers discourage members from treating typical weddings in their locale as “the right version of a wedding.” They ban the use of the word “tacky.” “It is subjective, not descriptive, and too often weaponized. Situations vary greatly, and there is no one sole arbiter of etiquette,” the hosts explain. They “don't allow debates on the etiquette of cash bars,” understanding that people’s assumptions tend to reflect spoken and unspoken elements of class and culture.
To read through their rules takes me outside of myself. Their rules are artful as they remind me (before I stick my foot in my mouth) that I have my own subjective judgment and biases based on my class or race or religion or traditions. The rules remind members that r/weddingplanning is a multicultural place. These rules protect members from themselves, so that they can also be themselves.
Often, we think about preventing things from going wrong, but artful gatherers design rules that make things go right.
A great pop-up rule is an explicit, temporary, accessible set of instructions to help a group of disparate people participate in a shared experience. Rules can create an imaginary, transient world that is actually more playful than your everyday gathering. The right rules can be pro-social, life-affirming, and freedom-enhancing. The right rules help a guest understand what a place is for.
As you attend various gatherings in the coming weeks, I invite you to notice when a good rule tilts the room just enough to create some magic. (Or, when one could 😉.)
As always,
Priya
ICYMI
The Chase Jarvis LIVE SHOW
Gathering is an act of creation. I loved joining Chase Jarvis on his podcast to unpack the relationship between creativity and gathering. You can listen to our conversation here.
Inspirations
"Stopping the culture wars in their tracks"
Check out Courtney E. Martin's recent piece for the Christian Science Monitor on how one school district got through the culture wars by harnessing community and “positive gossipers.”
The Art of Editing
To honor Robert Gottlieb, the legendary editor who passed away earlier this month, The Paris Review took down their paywall to revisit his Art of Editing interview with Larissa MacFarquhar. It’s a real treat.
You Can Only Get Tickets in Pairs
Speaking of rules, I recently learned of a new, monthly pop-up supper club where you can only purchase tickets in pairs. “Invite your neighbor, that one person you always see getting coffee, or your friend you haven’t seen in a while,” the organizers of That Dinner Thing write. Tickets (plural) are available here.
