What is an Artful Gatherer?
How one guest transformed a retirement lunch with a simple (but risky) tilt.
A few years ago, my father, Ron, retired from his government job. His colleagues organized a casual retirement lunch at a Greek restaurant, where they planned to present him with a plaque thanking him for almost three decades of service. At the last minute, my stepmother, Renee, asked if she could attend. After the group sat down to eat, Renee noticed — as she described it to me later — that nothing much was “happening” aside from standard lunch chatter. She started to fret that unless she did something, his “retirement” lunch — after 29 years of service — might just be lunch.
Renee stood up, tapped her glass with a spoon, and semi-awkwardly introduced herself. “I know home-Ron, but I don’t know work-Ron,” she said. “I would love to hear about him. Can you tell me what this guy is like at the office?” There was silence for a moment. Then, one of my father’s young colleagues stood up and shared that Ron was the person he’d always bring questions to because he welcomed them and never made you feel dumb or sheepish. Another person talked about how Ron wouldn’t just slap an acronym onto a computer program, but delighted in finding the most clever acronym he could. (His personal coup was naming one program after his daughter: the PRIA.)
Slowly, like popcorn, people shared simple, specific stories and tributes about how generous Ron was. How constant he was, “like a tree.”
Ron was visibly touched by these moments of appreciation. He was amazed that people noticed (let alone could recall) his small acts of kindness over the years. At the end of lunch, they presented a plaque of service. But it was no longer the only source of meaning-making at the gathering. It became the cherry on the cake. Thanks to Renee’s intervention, the “lunch” went from a symbolic act to a moving, shared experience that would impact the story my father (and those around him) would tell about the meaning of his career.
The moment Renee observed the need for the group to connect more meaningfully, she began to practice the role of an artful gatherer.
An artful gatherer is someone who is able to create meaning and connection with and for their people, one gathering at a time. Being an artful gatherer can be risky (and also, sometimes, awkward). It can also be controversial. (There may have been people at the lunch who were thrown off by what Renee did, or didn’t like it.) But, given the purpose of the gathering, Renee’s intervention helped the group more deeply fulfill it.
You can do this too. Here’s one thing to practice this month.
The first skill to practice as an artful gatherer is to simply observe.
This week, think about the gatherings you attend regularly and occasionally, big or small, virtual or in-person. Work meetings. Happy hours. PTA. Group workouts. Book clubs. Dinner parties. Birthdays. Retreats. Fundraisers. Even family dinners. Observe how your people interact.
Ask yourself these questions to guide your observations. (If you want to take it a step further, write down your observations, so you can return to them later.)
What’s the focus of this gathering?
Who’s in this group?
What do you look forward to in this group, if anything?
What could be improved?
What do you need from this group?
What does someone else need that they might not be getting?
Being an artful gatherer is not a personality trait; it’s a practice. Anyone can be an artful gatherer. You can be an introvert or an extrovert. You don’t need a fancy house or a certain kind of living room. You don’t need to be a certain age or look a certain way. No one is born an artful gatherer. It is a learnable set of skills. And as Renee showed, an artful gatherer is not always the host; guests hold power to shape events, too.
Inspirations
After breaking the Harvey Weinstein story, and writing about it in their excellent book She Said, the New York Times journalists Jodi Kantor and Meghan Twohey have come out with a VERY cool new project. They’ve written a book called Chasing the Truth to make investigative journalism an accessible and demystified path for young people. And they’re offering two workshops for aspiring and student journalists on demand.
An inspiring Twitter thread by and for the educators
I’m amazed by the educators dreaming up ways to keep their students engaged with participatory exercises while teaching remotely. This Twitter thread from Northwestern University professor Dr. Kate Compton on her “four channel” model caught my nerdy, appreciative little eye.
In September 2021, Food & Wine released "The New Rules of Dining Out," an illuminating (and frank) overview of how the pandemic changed the way guests and restaurant staff are approaching post-pandemic hospitality. It’s a bold document in which a “host” (the restaurant industry) is trying to define and shift and communicate with its potential “guests” a new social contract in these unprecedented times.
