A Case for Ditching the Zoom Background (When It's Appropriate)
Stop trying to block out the world behind that screen.
I’ve now heard of at least two different virtual parties where the bathtub, or rather multiple bathtubs, played a central convening role at a gathering. One was a Zoom Party that ended with eight guests in the “hot tub” room, each in their own bath at home, playing Truth or Dare. The other was an epic virtual all-nighter called “The Bodyssey,” where every Zoom room was a different part of the body ((TIP OF THE TONGUE: Welcome reception, drinks, and canapes; FUNK IN THE TRUNK: It’s hard twerk, and so on). One of the “rooms” was called THE WOMB: A place-enter for vulnerability. And at the end of the night, after a series of fascinating prompts, everyone in the Womb Romb ended up in, you guessed it, their own bathtubs. (Though this time it was for a remote re-birthing ceremony.)
Now, you may be thinking, what does this have to do with my life? I’m not that cool, Priya. (Don’t worry: me neither. I’m asleep by 9:30 p.m. most evenings.) But, I promise you, these gatherings aren’t just the way underground parties are currently going down, they point to something relevant to all of us: In our virtual gatherings, rather than blocking out the world behind the screen, what if we centered it?
First, a caveat: there are absolutely some contexts in which you do not want to be highlighting people’s worlds behind them. In some work contexts, it can be inappropriate to ask people to show any part of their home. When you are trying to create a level of equality among students, or in a choir, or among hospital staff, a common virtual screen can help create a sense of being in the same room and protect the more vulnerable.
That said, these hot tub parties are opening my eyes to all the ways we could, in the right contexts, use the entire worlds behind people’s screens to foster connection, increase healthy risk, have fun, teach, and create new ways of gathering in this time.
What if...
Virtual group birthing classes had couples practice labor techniques in the actual spots of their home (the chair in the kitchen, the bathtub (!), the firm pillow on the bed) where they’ll be laboring?
EMT Trainers had their trainees use their own homes to practice running through the safety protocols upon entering someone else’s house?
Chefs began their online cooking courses by inspecting each student’s pantry for the right essential ingredients of a home cook?
This past week, I found myself playing cupid. I’ve gotten a lot of notes about dating in quarantine, and we decided to take it up on the Together Apart podcast. Our team ran an actual digital Speed Dating Experiment on a Saturday afternoon. And we designed the prompts completely based on centering the worlds behind each person, not hiding them.
We had guests showing the contents of their fridges, the spots in their home where they actually fall asleep, the reading material they leave in their bathrooms, what’s really on their bedside table, and what pictures they had of people in their homes.
Inspirations
Can we create digital intimacy in times of physical distancing?: An Article by Michael Ronen
Thank you to AOG reader Raman Frey for pointing me to one of the best articles on the internet I’ve seen on how to create digital intimacy in times of physical distancing. It’s the full analysis of The Bodyssey party by one of its hosts, Michael Ronen.
