The Power of Storytelling for Group Connection
To get out of Corona-talk rut, shift the conversation to stories.
I’ve developed a slightly odd new evening ritual. After dinner, my husband takes the kids for a bath and I head over to the sink to do the dishes. I pop in my earpods, and start eavesdropping on other people’s recorded Zoom gatherings.
While I search for Tupperware lids, I’m listening (with permission) to hours and hours of tape from virtual dinner parties, speed dating rounds, and wedding receptions. I’m listening to and for the conversational patterns of connection.
In a recent session, I found myself listening to three different cocktail hours that were hosted around a couple that got married in quarantine. And over hours and hours of tape, can you guess the moments of highest connection? It wasn’t advice or opinions, it wasn’t even a poem or a song. And it definitely wasn’t talking about Covid. It was: stories.
On a “Tradition” themed call, a woman and her husband shared a story about the early years of navigating their family Christmases. The first year after they were married, after Christmas eve dinner, the woman’s sister insisted that she (and her husband) follow the same tradition that her siblings had done since they were kids: all sleeping in the same room on mattresses on the floor. And somehow, even though they were in their 30s, even though they were now married, even though there was a bedroom for them to sleep in on their own, those first three nights, the newly married couple slept on the floor with her siblings.
As I was washing the dishes, it was during the telling of that story I actually paused, tilted my ear, let my sponge drip, and just listened. And I started laughing. I could relate.
This simple story, told in less than four minutes, provided an opening that was relevant and interesting for everybody else around the table: Do you follow the traditions of each other’s families? Is part of cleaving breaking those traditions? Do you do it slowly or do you rip it off like a band-aid? How do siblings navigate the entry of a new spouse?
I share all of this with you because listening to this tape was such a simple reminder: during this time, to move from the narrative traps of solely talking about Corona to dynamic conversation that can lead to connection, insight, and support, get people to tell real stories from their lives.
Helpful structures for storytelling in groups
If you’ve read The Art of Gathering, you know that I love the 15 Toasts model that I created with my friend, Tim Leberecht. Choose a theme (should be a bit edgy and complex, not too flat, think “Crossroads” over “Happiness”). Invite everyone to share a story or experience from their life, related to that theme, and what it taught them. It should be a story that no one "around the table” already knows. And the last person has to sing their toast. (The fear of singing keeps the night moving!)
The Moth has revived its Storytelling School. It’s a wonderful weekly resource to infuse the telling of stories into your quarantine and Zoom gatherings.
StoryCorps has just launched StoryCorps Connect to have a meaningful conversation with a loved one remotely.
This week on the Together Apart podcast, we take on the Zoom wedding. I speak to two different couples whose weddings have been upended by the virus, and are trying to figure out what to do. Do they cancel? Postpone? Modify? They take two very different approaches. One decides to host a stoop wedding. The other, scraps the Zoom wedding in favor of a private ceremony but then invites their guests to a very different kind of reception. Take a listen.
Inspirations
Tribute has made it incredibly simple to put together a meaningful video montage for all types of special gatherings without needing any editing skills. I used it recently for my stepfather’s 80th birthday and it was unbelievably powerful and truly easy. Everyone LOVED it, and he was completely blown away.
