Gatherings Are Reflections of Our Values and Beliefs
What of the past do we want to bring with us?
Gatherings are reflections of a community’s values, belief systems and assumptions of roles. Who does what? What’s the role of the community? Who holds relevant knowledge? What is relevant knowledge? Who do we ask to speak? Who do we ask to listen? And who gets ignored?
There is no place where it is easier to see these assumptions (conscious or unconscious) than in a baby shower.
Underneath the pin-the-diaper on the baby games and the mimosas lies a deeper set of assumptions about who is going through a transition, who gets support, who needs advice—and that’s at best. Often these baby showers have turned into an excuse to bring Pinterest boards to life as a proxy for support.
Before my first child was born, when I was having a baby shower for women by women, my husband asked if he could come. At first I thought he was joking. And then, I realized he was very serious. If we were actually committed to co-parenting, to raising a child together, to both working and both parenting, doesn’t he also need advice and support?
In the years since, I’ve been to a wide range of baby showers, and it has left me with this question: If we are wanting new types of parenting models, don’t we need new types of rituals to get us there?
This week on the Together Apart podcast, we look at baby showers. It’s an inherited ritual that (I believe) is in desperate need of interruption. And, at least for one couple, the cancellation of their IRL baby shower due to the Coronavirus led to just such an interruption. Take a listen.
I’m curious, in this Corona time, what gathering rituals have you found to be upended? What have you been inventing anew? I would love to know what you uncover.
Inspirations
A daily creativity project to help us all make sense of challenging times, created and curated by writer Suleika Jaouad. Each morning, participants are sent a prompt from a different writer or musician. One creative act a day. Alone together. It's free and runs through the end of April.
