My Top 3 Gathering Lessons from 2022
As we approach the New Year, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you. This community has shown such warmth, energy, and support this year as we've embarked on new ventures together. (Hello, digital course! Hello, new website!) Y’all inspire me with your gathering stories, and your interesting, beautiful, complicated, human questions that help us become more skilled gatherers together.
We spent the spring discussing what it means to be an artful gatherer, the summer exploring connection in the workplace, and this fall thinking more deeply about intentional guesting.
I wish you and yours a little respite (hopefully) as we turn collectively inwards. But before I sign off for the year, I wanted to leave you with my top three gathering lessons from 2022.
1) Structure is half the puzzle.
By now I have hopefully drilled into you that the first step to being an artful gatherer is determining the need and the underlying purpose of a gathering. ;) But once you've figured out the need, the next step is to ask: What do I actually do with all these people? How should we structure our time together? How do we design the right collective mechanism to help a group takeoff? Here’s to the couple who figured out just the right structure to connect their guests to each other at their wedding.
2) Embrace the Goldilocks ask of your guests.
Whether figuring out how to bring more meaning to a family birthday party or dreaming up a dress code, extending an invite with just the right “ask” primes guests for what to expect and helps them determine if they’re willing to sign on. Bring a photo! Wear the best thing in your closet! Think of the best dad joke you’ve ever heard! Too big or complex an ask can feel like unwanted labor. Too vague or unclear an ask can create hesitation or confusion.The right-sized-and-shaped ask of your guest (The “Goldilocks Ask”) should be both relevant to the purpose of the gathering and have a good payoff.
3) Guests have power, too.
We often think of the host when it comes to shaping gatherings, but guests influence events, too. In fact, some of the best hosts I know started their artful gathering practice as generous guests. This year, we’ve explored how to up your guesting game and how to practice intentional guesting during the festive season (with lessons that can be applied year round). It turns out that much of this boils down to what seems like a deceivingly simple question: how do we actually want to spend our time? And with whom?
I recently got a note from a community member asking for guidance on a particularly tender gathering with her family between Christmas and New Years. With permission, I shared her ask on Instagram, and the outpouring of advice and ideas and love from you all was incredible. You can see the answers here and add your own. She wanted me to thank you all.
As always,
Priya
In Case You Missed It
Dr. Becky: Last month, I sat down with Dr. Becky, the beloved parenting guru, to talk boundaries, meaning-making, and reclaiming the December holidays to fulfill YOUR purpose in a time that can feel incredibly fraught.
Inspirations
YearCompass: One of my favorite end-of-year reflection guides is back. YearCompass is a free booklet that helps you reflect on the year and plan the next one. Every year, I find their framing and questions so helpful and a different way in to closings and new beginnings.
Allie Volpe wrote a guide for Vox on how to change your holiday traditions — for those of you celebrating, there’s still time to reinvent your winter festivities.
