5 ways to gather without breaking the bank

Jun 26

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I recently saw a viral TikTok of a millennial woman asking her Gen Z followers how they spend their time: “What do you do for fun? Where do you go?” The answers were grim. “We aren’t having fun, we’re just working. No weekend money.” “I’m 23 and I rot inside.” “It’s too expensive, so I crochet and play video games.” “As a 21-year-old, the economy makes it difficult to have fun that way, I work 40 hours weekly and I'm either too tired or can't afford it.”

As I scrolled through the hundreds of comments, I recognized a younger version of myself and some of the assumptions I’d gleaned from popular culture: You gotta be fancy to gather. You gotta have money to host. You have to have nice things to bring people together.

If you’re younger and this sounds familiar, let me tell you something: people of all ages feel this way (they just may not be as open or conscious about it). As I travel around the country, one of the biggest obstacles to gathering that I hear from folks is money. “It’s expensive to gather,” they say. “I’ll gather when I have money.” “I just can’t afford it right now.” I get where this perception comes from: gathering can be expensive and our Instagram feeds reward the “stuff” of gathering. But when we assume gathering requires money, we cut ourselves off from connecting with others – often at the moment when we need our communities most.

Gathering well need not break the bank. The artful gatherer is more focused on meaning than money, on crafting connection than celebrating consumption. And one of the wonderful things about meaning is that while it’s not cheap, it is free. “Meaning” may be harder to capture on an Instagram Reel than a gorgeous tablescape, but it can feed and nourish your people, too.

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Here are five tips to turn up the meaning dial on your gathering – no budget required.

1. Make anyone interesting.

What if we spent as much time designing for good conversation as we are told to on food or drink? Melissa wanted to host a bonding event for her team, but didn’t have a budget and didn’t want her younger colleagues to have to foot the bill. She also wanted to break them out of the same tired conversations about their plans for the summer. So she invited them to a “Hot Take Party” at their office. She’d supply the hot dogs and beer, they’d supply the “hot takes”: each person would present a two-minute PowerPoint pitch for their most strongly held but debatable conviction to the rest of the group. The night of, each pitch descended into fiery-but-lighthearted debate about the merits of stretch limos versus party buses, whether or not Thursday is the best day of the week, and (most radically) whether we’d be better off with just one shape of pasta. By making people on her team interesting to one another, she reduced her reliance on the “stuff” as the source of meaning.

Ask: What’s a question everyone will be excited to answer, and that everyone will be excited to hear others' answers to? And how do I weave that question into the design of the gathering?

2. Equalize your guests. In lieu of gifts, bring songs.

When Alex sent out invitations to her housewarming party, she asked guests to send just one thing: “What song would you play to get a party started? (You pick the kind of party.)” She put all of their answers into a playlist, which she then played at the party. All night, you’d hear squeals of delight every time a new song came on; “This is my song!” Each song became fodder for conversation. And she had found an accessible way for every guest to meaningfully contribute.

Ask: In lieu of gifts, what can I ask people to bring that everyone can do, doesn’t cost a thing, and adds context and connection?

**3. Give people a dose of what gives you joy.**

Matt was in the midst of training for his third marathon when he turned 40. The day of his birthday fell on a 20-mile practice run. Instead of a party, he sent his favorite people a spreadsheet. It was an invitation to a 40th jog-a-thon. Guests could participate in three ways: run one lap, ten laps, or (my personal favorite) cheer like hell from the sidelines. When they RSVP’d, they were asked for their favorite workout song. The only rule: “No Imagine Dragons or Taylor Swift.” The day of, his friends and family gathered at the high school track. There was a sign-making station, and guests ran with Matt as their song blasted from a speaker. People brought their kids, who skateboarded around the track. And when Matt finished, they all cheered and sang.

It’s rare to get to experience one another’s joys and worlds, even (especially?) when they’re not necessarily yours. It’s an expansive experience. What a wonderful thing to get to stretch each other as friends.

Ask: Is there a passion (or tiny but enthusiastic hobby) that I could share with my people in an accessible, energizing way?

4. Gather around that one thing you've been meaning to do.

I recently saw an invite to a UFO (Unfinished Object) Night that a co-working space in Queens was hosting. Community members were invited to bring an unfinished craft project to work on with other creative people from around the neighborhood. It was a complete hit. It reminded me of an idea for a party that a woman I know posted on Twitter: an “updating my website party” where people could hang out and hype each other up as they finished their side hustle Squarespace. The response? Excitement. The invitation switched it from a chore to an opportunity to connect.

Ask: Is there something you keep meaning to do but never seem to get around to? There are probably other people with the same itch.

5. Keep it absurdly simple.

When your garden unexpectedly grows a bumper crop of basil, do as Carol did: invite friends to sit in the garden, drink basil mocktails, and eat handmade pizzas topped with piles of fresh basil. When the temperature breaks 60 degrees for the first time in spring, text friends to meet in the park wearing that one item of clothing they can only wear for those two perfect days a year (hello short-sleeved sweater!). When you realize, as a colleague of mine did, that you have accumulated a bunch of inflatable pool loungers despite not having a pool, invite neighbors and kids to come “float” in your backyard (sprinklers and sunscreen provided). The more absurd, the better (massive traditions have started with much less). Novelty, you see, lies in the specific. When you pick just one thing to gather around instead of putting out a full (and pricy) spread, you instill that object with a gravitational pull.

Ask: What’s an unexpected boon or object or first harvest (my cilantro window plant bloomed!) that you could invite folks to gather around?

Now am I against nice things? No. Do I hate good food? Of course not! But knowing how to create meaning with and for your people is a gift. And it’s learnable. And it’s free.

No matter your age or budget, go have some fun.

As ever,

Priya

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Welcome to the Art of Gathering Newsletter! Every month I share helpful stories and insights that will help you create more meaningful gatherings at home and at work.

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